I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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