I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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