I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
