He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize