Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
