Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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