I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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