you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
