3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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