The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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