but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
