do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
this will be a night to untag.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
