All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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