He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You smell like stripper and shame
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
