someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
