We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
