theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize