Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
