under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
