I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
