Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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