I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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