Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
