Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
