I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize