Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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