first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
