I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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