I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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