So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
