I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
