are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
