thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
