I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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