What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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