Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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