I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize