apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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