Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
