How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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