My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
