I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
