It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need water and some morals
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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