she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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