I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
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