he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
