I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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