So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so let's talk penis.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
