i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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