I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
