after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
