my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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