new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
