The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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