so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
