ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize