I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
