Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
