Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
