yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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