U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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