a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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