she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
