you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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