OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
