My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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