At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
