I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i've created a new STD.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
