Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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