Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
