I'm so fucking centered right now
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
