I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
