i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
