we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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