Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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