My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize