idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
