Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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