you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
