hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
