i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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