She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize