What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
