I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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