WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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