The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
