you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
