if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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