from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
