My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
