her vagine was all disorganized.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
