hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
one might say we're banned from that church
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
