I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
