They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
