apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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