I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
