then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
