just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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