If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Houston, we have a squirter
Houston, we have a blender
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
so much tequila, so little girl.
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