would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
