Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
