ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
